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Family Situation
By Audrey | August 13, 2007
Well I have let on a little bit about the things worrying me in my family but I really haven’t shared much more than that. Honestly, I’m not that into discussing my family on my porn site, because I really don’t know how they would feel about it or react, and because…well it sucks and I don’t like to talk about it.
Still, with this hanging over my head all summer and a few of my members and friends reading sharing their concern about me, I do want to give a little bit of explanation as to what’s going on. You’ll have to forgive me if I sound wierdly detached from everything, I just have a hard time opening up about shitty things. I’d much rather listen to someone else’s tale of woe than have to tell my own.
Basically, my mother has been in and out of the hospital, mental ward, and rehab units on and off all summer for alcohol and Xanax dependence. She actually quit drinking many years back but over the last few years has been taking more and more psychiatric meds, she says depression, I (and finally people are agreeing with me) have thought all along the anti-depressants, sleeping pills, and anti-anxiety stuff was her substitute addiction.
She has had quite a few health problems including a triple bypass heart surgery a few years ago, but she has been able for the most part to live a normal, relatively anyway, lifestyle. She was in a scary car wreck in June, disappeared for a week, and reappeared drunk and near suicidal. Since then, she has bounced back and forth between really wanting to get into a rehab program and get help to disappearing on her own and showing up drunk, hungover whatever…I am sure you know the deal, there are millions of addicts out there and their friends and families all tell different versions of the same story.
Annoyingly typical, my emotions at any moment could be: angry, worried, sad, frustrated, concerned, hurt…and most of all, I am feeling for my teenage sister and brother who still live at home. It just sucks, and way more for them than for me. Add guilty to that list of emotions, feeling like I abandoned them because I moved away, and didn’t keep in closer contact. It’s not like I went years without talking to them, but visits were few and far between and never called as often as I should.
Anyway, there have been numerous interventions, trips to the hospital, attempts to get her in rehab, and suicide scares over the past month. Thursday night she was most recently released from the hospital, and was drunk again by Friday afternoon, and since my Dad and sister told her they didn’t want to have her home like that, she took off to her drinking buddie’s house, saying she’d be back in a few days after she sorted things out.
Whatever that means.
So there you have it. I am actually holding up pretty well, I have been trying very hard to channel my frustrations into work, exercise, and relaxing hobbies like painting and drawing, and I have been taking good care of myself. No way around the worry, but at least I feel like I have *my* shit together right now, and have been working to get my site updates done in advance should I need to make a rush visit back home.
OK, that’s enough, I can’t stand to talk about it any more, so I’ll be back tomorrow, hopefully with something nicer to post.
Topics: Naked Thoughts |
August 14th, 2007 at 4:28 am
*hugs* Families can be so fucked up, and it’s so hard to care about them without taking on their dysfunction. It sounds like you’re doing really well with it.
August 14th, 2007 at 1:02 pm
Thank you for letting us know what’s troubling you; you are holding it together really well; I can’t even imagine how difficult it would be to see a parent going through that and to know your siblings are stuck. It sucks to be powerless to help someone you love get out of their addictions.
We are thinking of you.